Vera Papisova spent a year dating alt-right men for a story. Her 26-date experiment sparked powerful debates on empathy, ethics, and journalism. Through a deeply personal experiment, she challenged the way society views empathy, gender roles, and political divides.
Who Is Vera Papisova?
Vera Papisova is a New York-based journalist known for stepping into emotionally charged spaces that many others avoid. She recently drew widespread attention for a bold assignment: dating right-wing men in New York as part of a long-form feature for Cosmopolitan. Her goal wasn’t romance, but to explore the emotional and ideological divide in modern dating through direct, personal connection.
Her approach—listening with empathy, even when faced with views that opposed her own—sparked intense reactions. Some saw her as courageous, willing to cross ideological lines in pursuit of deeper understanding. Others questioned the emotional burden of such work and the recurring expectation that women must be the ones to bridge political or social gaps, often at the cost of their own well-being.
This project was far from an outlier in Vera’s career. She was the first-ever wellness editor at Teen Vogue, where she covered mental health, body image, gender, and relationships through an intersectional lens. Her reporting has consistently highlighted underrepresented voices and advocated for vulnerable communities. She also led the #NotYourFault campaign, a powerful initiative focused on sexual assault awareness.
Vera’s journalism reflects a strong commitment to discomfort — not for shock value, but to expose truths. She’s not portrayed as reckless or headline-hungry; instead, she’s seen as someone who embraces the personal risks of storytelling to uncover perspectives that many would rather ignore. With a journalism degree from Boston University and contributions to outlets like Yahoo Style and Vice, Vera has built a career grounded in empathy, integrity, and the willingness to confront difficult realities head-on.
Vera Papisova’s Dating Experiment: The Controversial Feature That Sparked a Firestorm
For her latest feature, Vera Papisova chose an unconventional and emotionally risky assignment: she spent nearly a year dating right-wing men in New York City. The project wasn’t a romantic journey—it was a journalistic deep-dive meant to explore political polarization through intimate encounters. But the story’s publication didn’t just invite readers in; it ignited a heated debate.
The idea itself sparked instant reactions. Some were shocked that a woman, especially one who clearly didn’t share the views of these men, would put herself in such emotionally vulnerable situations. It wasn’t just about differing opinions—it was about engaging with people who held beliefs that often devalue women’s rights and lived experiences.
Commenters wrestled with whether this was brave or misguided. On one hand, there was admiration for her willingness to listen and humanize men she disagreed with. On the other, there was a sense of exhaustion: why should women constantly bear the emotional burden of trying to fix broken ideologies, even in the name of journalism?
Some saw the piece as an unfair demand—another example of society asking women to extend empathy where none is returned. Others questioned the ethics of the article itself, raising concern about “humanizing” harmful views under the guise of understanding. The emotional toll on Vera wasn’t lost on readers either. Many expressed concern about her safety—physically, yes, but more often emotionally. One detail particularly disturbed readers: one of her dates had previously sent her death threats.
Despite the pushback, there was an undercurrent of respect for what Vera attempted. Even critics of the assignment acknowledged the courage it took to immerse herself in that kind of discomfort. Whether they agreed with the article’s premise or not, many could see it for what it was: a journalist stepping far outside her comfort zone in search of difficult answers.
But beyond the surface of her dating journey, deeper discussions emerged about the emotional and ethical weight carried by women in such spaces.
Why Are Women Always Asked to Do the Emotional Work?
One of the most echoed frustrations in the discussion wasn’t about Vera’s reporting skills—it was about the pattern she represents. Many users expressed exhaustion over how women are continually expected to carry emotional burdens, especially when engaging with men who hold harmful or patriarchal beliefs. The experiment, while framed as journalism, reminded readers of how often society asks women to show compassion toward people who don’t necessarily show it in return.
Comments questioned why the labor of empathy should fall on women yet again. Some readers interpreted Vera’s approach—listening, sympathizing, and even potentially sleeping with these men—as part of a larger system where women are not just partners or workers, but emotional healers for broken masculinity. One user noted that men helped build the very systems that now isolate them, and yet women are asked to repair that damage—through kindness.
This expectation to empathize didn’t just frustrate readers—it also raised deeper questions about where empathy should end, and accountability should begin.
Can Understanding Cross the Line Into Excusing?
The thread didn’t shy away from moral questions. Several users took issue with how Vera framed the right-wing men she met—not as dangerous or offensive, but as “lonely” and in need of connection. This sparked concern that the article may have inadvertently softened the image of individuals whose ideologies directly harm others.
For some, the issue wasn’t that she listened—it’s that she seemed sympathetic. Readers pushed back against the idea that loneliness or emotional need should excuse misogyny or extremist views. There’s a clear line, they argued, between understanding someone’s pain and minimizing the harm they cause. One commenter summed it up bluntly: “Why should we be kind to chauvinistic pigs?”
Alongside the moral debate, another uncomfortable reality surfaced: whether Vera’s emotional work was her own choice, or a story crafted for profit.
Did the Magazine Use Vera for Clicks?
Buried beneath the critique of the article’s ethics was another thread of concern—this time directed at the platform that commissioned it. A few users questioned whether Vera’s emotional labor was the result of genuine journalistic curiosity or an editorial decision designed for viral impact.
Some saw it as a media stunt masked as investigative journalism—putting a woman in proximity to hateful views for the sake of a headline. This brought up larger concerns about the media’s willingness to extract trauma and discomfort from marginalized voices, especially women, just to spark outrage or generate traffic. Vera may have done the work, but it’s the magazine that reaps the clicks.
Beneath all these concerns ran an even broader sentiment—one reflecting a larger shift in how audiences respond to empathy-driven journalism itself.
Are We Tired of Empathy Journalism?
Lastly, the thread captured a growing fatigue with what some called “empathy journalism”—the genre where reporters are expected to reach across extreme ideological gaps and humanize their subjects, even when those subjects promote harm. Commenters suggested that this type of writing often centers the pain of the powerful and asks the oppressed to offer them understanding.
The sentiment wasn’t subtle: people are tired of being told to feel bad for those who feel nothing for them. They don’t want more stories trying to explain the human side of harmful ideologies. They want accountability—and they want journalism that doesn’t require women to be the ones doing the forgiving.
Vera Papisova’s experiment opened a conversation that moved far beyond political ideologies or dating culture. It touched nerves around emotional labor, the ethics of storytelling, and the price women often pay to bridge societal divides. Whether viewed as brave, misguided, or necessary, her journey exposed a truth that many recognize but few are willing to confront: understanding has limits, and not every story deserves to be softened for the sake of connection.
