“AITA for suggesting my boyfriend’s mother wants to marry her own son?”
I (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) attended his sister’s wedding this past June. It was a beautifully organized three-day celebration, starting in one country and then moving to another.
The planning was impeccable, and the flow of events was seamless. However, there was one major issue—my boyfriend’s and the bride’s mother seemed to become increasingly unhinged as the celebrations unfolded.
The problems began at the civil ceremony. My boyfriend’s parents have been separated for some time, and his father arrived with his long-term partner, whom I’ll call Dina. They’ve been together for about 6–7 years now.
Unlike my relationship with his mother, which has always been cordial but reserved, Dina and I clicked immediately; she’s warm, intuitive, and genuinely kind.
On the first day, my boyfriend’s father, Dina, my boyfriend, and I met in the hotel lobby to head to the civil part of the wedding. Coincidentally, his father and I ended up wearing matching colors. We all laughed, took a picture, and made our way to the ceremony.
When we arrived, we realized that my boyfriend and his mother were also dressed in the same colors. His mother noticed this immediately, rushed over to him, wrapped her arms around his neck, and declared, “Ooooh honey, it looks like we’re about to get married!” I was stunned.
I stood there in disbelief, trying to make sense of what I’d just heard. Dina noticed my reaction and came over, asking if I had heard it too. The whole situation brought back memories of the unhealthy dynamics in my own family. I decided to brush it off for the moment and focus on enjoying the event.
However, things only escalated during the cocktail reception. To my surprise, I was asked to take photos of my boyfriend and his mother. She held his sister’s wedding bouquet, posing with him and commenting that she should be the one getting married. Again, I said nothing, choosing to stay quiet.
The following day, we had a three-hour drive to the next venue. My boyfriend’s mother was driving, with a relative in the passenger seat, while my boyfriend and I sat in the back. Despite having a large GPS screen in front of her and driving on a straight highway almost the entire way, she insisted that my boyfriend guide her.
This seemed unnecessary, as there were no real turns, just a clear route ahead. It became evident that her only “obstacle” was my boyfriend’s occasional attempt to talk with me.
Upon reaching the venue, things took a turn for the worse. As we went to our room to change, his mother visited our room five or six times, even walking in on me as I was ironing my dress in my underwear without any regard for privacy.
At the wedding itself, the tension continued. Dina approached my boyfriend’s mother with kind words, complimenting her on raising two wonderful children on her own and offering well-wishes.
Instead of appreciating the sentiment, his mother ran off in exaggerated, fake tears, claiming she was offended. My boyfriend immediately ran after her, saying he needed to “support his mother.” I was speechless. Having witnessed similar behaviors in my own family, I decided not to let it ruin my evening, so I spent time with Dina and my boyfriend’s father.
Later, my boyfriend approached me, complaining that I wasn’t spending enough time with him and his mother.
His mother had clearly made it known that she didn’t want me around, so I simply gave them space to spend time together, especially since she seemed to be struggling with not being the center of attention on her daughter’s wedding day.
At the reception, my boyfriend and I were seated across from each other. His mother kept coming over, planting exaggerated kisses on him and telling him he was the “love of her life” while making direct eye contact with me.
This bizarre behavior went on all night. Toward the end of the reception, when the bride’s father rose to give a toast, my boyfriend’s mother suddenly jumped up, loudly accusing him of being a “cheap fraud” and demanding recognition for all her own contributions..
After everything finally wrapped up, my boyfriend sat me down, acknowledging how uncomfortable I must have felt. However, a few months later he told me that he believes I’m preventing him from being close to his mother. It would make a bit more sense if you read my original post where I elaborate on that part.
So, AITA for telling him that his mother’s behavior is borderline insane and that she clearly has an unhealthy attachment to her own son?
Internet Joined the Conversation and Gave a Response
legoartnana said:
NTA. Buy some new sneakers and RUN as fast as you can from mummy and her best boy. It’s an impossible situation for you to be in, and they both enjoy it far too much to change.
JEM10000 said:
NTA – You are so lucky to learn this now. It will never change and she will steamroll your whole relationship. Red flag!
ginny_cchio11 said:
This! 100%! NTA. She will be the third person in your relationship for the rest of your life. Do not marry this boy (he has proven that he is not a man). Do not have children with him. Get out now.
Churchie-Baby said:
NTA but welcome to dating a mummies boy. He will always take her side and you will question your sanity
Vegetable-Cod-2340 said:
NTA
Op, show him the picture his mother made you take that looks like their getting married and ask him , if you’re the problem?
I would actually recommend couples counseling before the wedding, and this entire event discussed piece by piece and he accusations that you’re trying to keep him and his mother apart.
Op, if he doesn’t agree to couples counseling, don’t marry him. His mother will get worse as the wedding get closer , and if he’s unwilling to put up boundaries or even acknowledge there is a problem he’s just creating a you vs her situation and you don’t need to be part of that.
Ask him to list the things you’ve done to keep him from her? Cause it sounds like he went to see Mommy and came back with a new version of reality
Op, don’t get my wrong , his mom sound like a real pill, but honestly it’s a him problem not a her problem.
cathartic_robot asked:
Is this the same controlling boyfriend that you previously stated had narcissistic tendencies?
RUN. I mean….obviously…..RUN. You should’ve left him long ago.
Op Replied:
Yessir! So his comments about me not letting him talk to his mother probably originated from this situation, and it all came up during our fight a couple of days ago.
He brought up what I said about his mother after that wedding, and I confirmed every single world that I said before.
Give me a mic and I’ll say it again. But when he reminded me of this drama he twisted things so badly to the point it seemed like I was attacking his innocent angelic mom who can do no wrong. Ironically, I wasn’t even the one to bring her up in the first place 😄
smlpkg1966 said:
Now that you have moved away from him you can finally breathe right?
Don’t allow him to move in. (Taken from her other post)
Op Replied:
I mean, almost.. Still need to go back there and retrieve my belongings 😅
In the comments, most people agreed OP was not the Asshole and that the mother’s behavior was over the line. Many said the clinginess and boundary-crossing were red flags, and OP was right to call it out. OP deserves better than a relationship overshadowed by an enmeshed mother-son dynamic.
Sources: Reddit
