Vera Papisova spent a year dating alt-right men for a story. Her 26-date experiment sparked powerful debates on empathy, ethics, and journalism. Through a deeply personal experiment, she challenged the way society views empathy, gender roles, and political divides.
Quick Facts: Vera Papisova
- Born: May 26, 1990, in Russia; grew up in the Boston area after her family emigrated to the U.S.
- Occupation: Journalist and former magazine editor
- Education: Bachelor’s degree in journalism, Boston University College of Communication (2013)
- Known for: Serving as Teen Vogue’s first-ever wellness editor, leading the #NotYourFault sexual assault awareness campaign, and her 2025 Cosmopolitan essay on dating far-right men
- Lives in: Brooklyn, New York
Who Is Vera Papisova?
Vera Papisova is a Russian-American journalist known for stepping into emotionally charged spaces that many others avoid. Born in Russia in 1990, she emigrated to the United States with her family and grew up near Boston, graduating from Boston University’s College of Communication with a journalism degree in 2013.
After freelancing for outlets including Yahoo! Style, Vice, and the sex-positive site Slutever.com, Papisova was hired by Teen Vogue in March 2016 as the magazine’s first-ever wellness editor, a newly created role covering mental health, sexual health, gender, and relationships. Her reporting there consistently highlighted underrepresented voices: she led the #NotYourFault sexual assault awareness campaign, whose “Guys Read” video series (men reading real accounts of sexual assault aloud) was a finalist for an American Society of Magazine Editors award. Her wellness coverage at Teen Vogue also won a GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Magazine Coverage.
This wasn’t Papisova’s first time putting herself directly in harm’s way for a story. In 2018, she spent three days at the Coachella music festival investigating sexual harassment at the event, interviewing 54 women who said they had been harassed or assaulted there. Papisova herself was groped 22 times over roughly 10 hours while reporting the piece. After it published on Teen Vogue, she faced a wave of online backlash, including slut-shaming and death threats, which she later said illustrated the double-victimization that harassment victims often face.
Papisova has also described a formative moment earlier in her career: while working a restaurant job as a Boston University undergraduate, she said the late chef and television host Anthony Bourdain witnessed a coworker sexually harassing her and reported it to her manager, after the manager himself had ignored it.
Vera Papisova’s Dating Experiment: The Controversial Feature That Sparked a Firestorm
For her most recent feature, Papisova spent 2024 on a conservative dating app, matching with 60 men and going on 26 dates with a cross-section of the conservative and alt-right dating pool in New York City. The project wasn’t a search for romance. It was a journalistic deep-dive into political polarization through intimate, one-on-one encounters, published by Cosmopolitan in February 2025.
The men she wrote about ranged widely. Among them: a man who had previously sent her death threats, a man with a swastika tattoo on his arm, a man who funds a crisis pregnancy center, and a man who touched her inappropriately in a church on a first date. That range is part of what made the piece land so hard. It wasn’t a single caricature of a “conservative date,” it was a spectrum, some of it unsettling, some of it closer to ordinary.
The idea itself sparked instant reactions. Some were shocked that a woman, especially one who clearly didn’t share the views of these men, would put herself in such emotionally vulnerable situations. It wasn’t just about differing opinions, it was about engaging with people who held beliefs that often devalue women’s rights and lived experiences.
Commenters wrestled with whether this was brave or misguided. On one hand, there was admiration for her willingness to listen and humanize men she disagreed with. On the other, there was a sense of exhaustion: why should women constantly bear the emotional burden of trying to fix broken ideologies, even in the name of journalism?
Some saw the piece as an unfair demand, another example of society asking women to extend empathy where none is returned. Others questioned the ethics of the article itself, raising concern about “humanizing” harmful views under the guise of understanding. The emotional toll on Vera wasn’t lost on readers either. Many expressed concern about her safety, physically, yes, but more often emotionally, especially given the death threat detail.
Despite the pushback, there was an undercurrent of respect for what Vera attempted. Even critics of the assignment acknowledged the courage it took to immerse herself in that kind of discomfort. Whether they agreed with the article’s premise or not, many could see it for what it was: a journalist stepping far outside her comfort zone in search of difficult answers.
But beyond the surface of her dating journey, deeper discussions emerged about the emotional and ethical weight carried by women in such spaces.
Why Are Women Always Asked to Do the Emotional Work?
One of the most echoed frustrations in the discussion wasn’t about Vera’s reporting skills, it was about the pattern she represents. Many readers expressed exhaustion over how women are continually expected to carry emotional burdens, especially when engaging with men who hold harmful or patriarchal beliefs. The experiment, while framed as journalism, reminded readers of how often society asks women to show compassion toward people who don’t necessarily show it in return.
Comments questioned why the labor of empathy should fall on women yet again. Some readers interpreted Vera’s approach, listening, sympathizing, and dating these men, as part of a larger system where women are treated as emotional healers for broken masculinity rather than equals. This expectation to empathize didn’t just frustrate readers, it also raised deeper questions about where empathy should end and accountability should begin.
Can Understanding Cross the Line Into Excusing?
The discussion didn’t shy away from moral questions. Several readers took issue with how Vera framed some of the men she met, not as dangerous or offensive, but as lonely and in need of connection. This sparked concern that the article may have inadvertently softened the image of individuals whose ideologies directly harm others.
For some, the issue wasn’t that she listened, it’s that she seemed sympathetic. Readers pushed back against the idea that loneliness or emotional need should excuse misogyny or extremist views. There’s a clear line, they argued, between understanding someone’s pain and minimizing the harm they cause.
Alongside the moral debate, another uncomfortable reality surfaced: whether Vera’s emotional work was her own choice, or a story crafted for profit.
Did the Magazine Use Vera for Clicks?
Buried beneath the critique of the article’s ethics was another thread of concern, this time directed at the platform that commissioned it. Some readers questioned whether Vera’s emotional labor was the result of genuine journalistic curiosity or an editorial decision designed for viral impact.
Some saw it as a media stunt masked as investigative journalism, putting a woman in proximity to hateful views for the sake of a headline. This brought up larger concerns about the media’s willingness to extract trauma and discomfort from marginalized voices, especially women, just to spark outrage or generate traffic.
Beneath all these concerns ran an even broader sentiment, one reflecting a larger shift in how audiences respond to empathy-driven journalism itself.
Are We Tired of Empathy Journalism?
Lastly, the discussion captured a growing fatigue with what some called “empathy journalism,” the genre where reporters are expected to reach across extreme ideological gaps and humanize their subjects, even when those subjects promote harm. Commenters suggested that this type of writing often centers the pain of the powerful and asks the oppressed to offer them understanding.
The sentiment wasn’t subtle: people are tired of being told to feel for those who feel nothing for them. They don’t want more stories trying to explain the human side of harmful ideologies. They want accountability, and journalism that doesn’t require women to be the ones doing the forgiving.
Vera Papisova’s experiment opened a conversation that moved far beyond political ideologies or dating culture. It touched nerves around emotional labor, the ethics of storytelling, and the price women often pay to bridge societal divides. Whether viewed as brave, misguided, or necessary, her journey exposed a truth that many recognize but few are willing to confront: understanding has limits, and not every story deserves to be softened for the sake of connection.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Vera Papisova’s dating story real?
Yes. Papisova is a real, credentialed journalist, and her essay about matching with 60 men and going on 26 dates with conservative and alt-right men throughout 2024 was published by Cosmopolitan in February 2025.
Where can I read Vera Papisova’s full Cosmopolitan article?
The original essay is published on Cosmopolitan’s website under its Relationships section (see the Sources below). It has also been widely discussed in follow-up coverage from outlets like CNN and Newser, and in interviews Papisova has given about the piece.
What happened to Vera Papisova at Coachella?
In 2018, while reporting a story for Teen Vogue about sexual harassment at the festival, Papisova was herself groped 22 times over about 10 hours. She wrote about the experience and the harassment she later received online for speaking out about it.
What does Vera Papisova do now?
Papisova continues to work as a journalist and writes a newsletter called “Body of Evidence,” where she has published follow-up pieces about her alt-right dating experiment and other reporting.
Did Vera Papisova’s dating experiment put her in danger?
By her own account, yes, at least once: one of the men she matched with had a documented history of sending her death threats. Readers raised safety concerns about the project for this reason, among others.
