“AITA for correcting my MIL at a family gathering that she didn’t recommend my daughter’s name, it was my favorite name?”
I’ve been married to my husband for almost two years and our daughter is 11 months old. When we found out we were having a girl, one of the names that was immediately top contender was the name of a character I really like in a very popular book/movie franchise.
My husband is a huge fan of the franchise too and with time that name just became the only one that I wanted and we landed on it and then told our parents about it.
I remember my MIL questioning whether phonetically there would be an alternative spelling that could cause confusion, and I had said no it wouldn’t and had explained to her the subtle difference in pronunciation and it was a whole conversation I’d had with her.
Last weekend we were at my in-laws place for a dinner, my BIL and SIL were there too. So we were watching my daughter cruising along the room, using the couches as support and looking at us to see if we were looking and then laughing.
My BIL’s wife had remarked how radiant she looked and how she’d really taken to her name literally. My SIL then said that it was a really good choice by my MIL.
I was confused I asked what she’s talking about and my SIL said that my MIL had been the one to recommend the name right?
My MIL then said yeah that she’d said its a good name. I was literally stunned for a second and then made it clear that I’d come up with the name, how I’d known of it, and that my husband also knew of that character, and that we were dead set on the name, there were no recommendations to be had.
I asked my husband to corroborate the story which he did, uncomfortably. My MIL said names are a collective family effort, and everyone pitched in, but I still said this name was one that was very dear to me and it was one I’d come up with. (Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed on that a second time? That’s why I’m here.)
When we came home and were in bed, my husband had been getting texts from his mom and sister. He said I was right in my account of what had happened but he also told me I’d been tactless, that we know it was my name, and our daughter has a beautiful name that suits her, why make it into something that causes bitterness.
And today he had a phonecall with his mom, just a regular one. I asked if she was still pissed, he said she was. He said that he understood why I did it but it wasn’t the time and place. Was I TA?
Internet Joined the Conversation and Gave a Response
quincebush wrote:
“He said that he understood why I did it but it wasn’t the time and place.”
Did he happen to share with you when would have been a better time to correct your mother in law’s revisionist history and why he didn’t have a word with her and correct her himself? Big fat, NTA
Far-Oven-6023 OP said:
No, he didn’t say it but he said it shouldn’t have been clarified in front of an audience , so I’m assuming he meant when it was just me with MIL. And if she’d said this when we’ve had moments where its just the two of us, i would’ve corrected her then, I didn’t enjoy saying it in front of others, it’s just that’s when it was brought up.
Environmental_Art591 wrote:
Not to mention now there is a third party who knows the truth and that MILs version is false. There is a reason why its never been brought up between MIL and OP, MIL knows the truth and is only looking for clout.
One commenter here said OP was TA because atleast MIL doesnt going around claiming how much she hates the name but honestly, a MIL (or anyone but the parents) claiming they picked the name when they didn’t annoys me more because they are claiming a gift that the parent gave to their child as their own
Opinionated6319 wrote:
Time to stop enabling MIL to lie and take credit that doesn’t belong to her. Hubby knows what she is like, but seems to rather let it slide instead of confront her. It’s her method to get her way and if called out immediately plays the victim.
She was wrong to claim suggesting a name that she didn’t even like and then to lie about it.
It would worry me, especially in the future what she will say to your child. Time for you and hubby to have a serious MIL and SIL boundary discussion and how will HE handle putting them both in their places, if either pull this crap again!
He needs to step up…time to cut the mommy apron strings and become an independent supportive husband.
ThatHellaHighHobbit wrote:
She declared that lie in front of an audience so you are more than in the right to correct her in front of said audience.
regus0307 wrote:
Not to mention that she’d already spread the story. If OP had corrected her in private, SIL would still be under the impression the name was MIL’s idea.
Willdiealonewithcats wrote:
Yeah it’s better she gets to lie to an audience and you try to correct her in private in a grovelling manner. /s
NTA, OP.
Your husband is choosing ‘peace’ over healthy relationships
Travelgrrl wrote:
Mild YTA. Count yourself lucky that MIL isn’t like many on here who HATES her grandchild’s name and there’s a lot of negativity surrounding that. So what if she is taking a little ownership of the name at this late date? It just shows that she loves everything about your daughter.
You and your husband know the true genesis of the name and that’s all that really matters.
Op Replied to Travelgrrl:
That’s my husband’s pov essentially that it was out of love, and now theres bitterness. Which I suppose there is, and if it really was an AH thing to do I’m open to apologizing for doing it with others around.
Internet Support the OP over MIL:
whatsthisbuttondo333 wrote:
I’m sorry but bestie, no. That’s bullshit. She wanted to steal credit for something she had literally nothing to do with. Eff her and your husband who’s coddling her sad baby feelings. NTA
Firm-Molasses-4913 wrote:
Don’t apologize. Don’t set that precedent. You treated her like the adult that she is. I’d be pissed if that happened to me and wouldn’t have been anywhere near as polite as you were.
Guiltyspark92 wrote:
Don’t apologize. She obviously does not grant you the same courtesy so why offer it back? Treat people as you like to be treated and she has shown you she doesn’t mind lying.
apothekryptic wrote:
How about Grandma actually contributes something real out of love instead of taking credit for something she had nothing to do with “out of love”. You can’t make that make sense. NTA
diminishingpatience wrote:
Love isn’t the same as self-importance or dishonesty. You didn’t do anything wrong but you responded to someone who did.
NaturalThinker wrote:
No. She’s the asshole for lying and claiming credit for something you came up with. She owes you an apology. If you apologize, she’ll know that all she has to do next time is guilt your husband to pressure you to do what she wants.
boundaries4546 wrote:
No, it wasn’t out of love it so that someday she can tell her granddaughter that she chose her name. MIL TA, and so is your husband.
boundaries4546 wrote:
Oh, you need to make screenshots of this and send it in a group chat. Your mother-in-law needs to apologize to you.
In the comments, most people agreed OP was not the Asshole and felt the MIL was out of line.
They said it was frustrating for someone to try to take credit for a meaningful choice, especially something as personal as a child’s name. Many pointed out that correcting the record isn’t rude—it’s just being honest.
A lot also felt the MIL’s “family effort” comment was a way to downplay OP’s role and make herself look more involved than she was. Most agreed OP had every right to set the story straight, even if it made things a bit awkward.
Sources: Reddit
