“AITA for rejecting to meet with my (16m) mother’s boyfriend + his kids?”
Last year around Christmas time my mother left a week before the 25th (dec), to go “visit her sister” in Calgary. At the time, this is all I knew about the trip.
A few months before that my parents had told me about their plans to get a divorce, which I was of course sad about, but I didn’t question the intentions behind it.
The thing is, my mother’s plane to get back kept getting delayed, and even though they said nothing about when the next plane would take off, my mother made no moves to book a new flight/arrange another way home. In fact, she barely seemed enthusiastic at ALL about going home.
I don’t know how I didn’t see it at the time, but my mother didn’t only go there to meet her sister, but also to meet up/sleep with her new boyfriend.
I wouldn’t hate this fact IF she only met him AFTER the plans of the divorce were decided. But no, she has been talking to this douche for a whole year.
I was very angry about this, but I only expressed my feelings to my dad, since I was somewhat scared to tell my mother about this.
Abruptly in January my mother moved out, and started renting a place with her boyfriend, let’s call him Bob. Now, Bob already has two kids, who he doesn’t even take care of who live in Calgary.
Honestly, he sounds like an asshole who’s just a bum, and probably is one. But I don’t know the guy.
About a month ago, my mother invited my older brother (17m) and I to go rock climbing with her, and even though I wasn’t too sure about my relationship with my mother at that point, I said yes. Because who doesn’t love rock climbing?
My brother and I drive to the place, and when we show up, there is Bob. Standing beside my mother. At the time, I was thinking ‘Oh god, this isn’t going to go well’. It turned out, Bob was a quiet guy and I didn’t say a WORD to him the whole time.
When we got back home, I complained to my dad about how she dropped this bomb on us without letting us know.
After that incident, I got pretty pissed with my mother and didn’t talk to her much, ignored texts, etc.
I still had to see her about once or twice every week for her to pick me up from school, since I haven’t passed my driver’s test yet. She questions me about my day and how I am every single time, and it’s quite annoying.
Last week I found out that Bob’s kid’s are going to stay at my mother’s apartment, and she took the week off to be with them. Which I find really amusing, since she would NEVER do anything like that for us before the divorce happened.
She texted me, asking if I could meet his kids, I responded no. It’s way out of my comfort zone, and I don’t owe anything to her.
She responded, saying she was disappointed in me. My brother, said yes to meeting his kid’s, and is going to see them on Friday.
I’m not sure if I did something wrong, if I should be meeting with them, or trying to talk to my mother more.
Internet Joined the Conversation and a Lot to Say
W0nd3RMaN1995 Said:
Your NTA personally I’d confront your mother on how much she hurt you for cheating on your father, putting this effort into her stepkids and making you feel as though she replaced you.
Poppyythwopp Said:
Hm…NTA.
If you don’t wanna meet his kids you don’t have to.And as she would never take a day off for you and ur brother when her and ur dad were together u have ALL THE RIGHT to be upset.It is acctually understandable that you don’t like Bob and don’t want to meet his kids.
Again, NTA. (And why is ur mom even ‘disappointed’ in u?)
MonOubliette Said:
I don’t understand why parents want to force their kids into some kind of relationship with their affair partners. Like, I’d get it if the parent had a new gf/bf after they separated/divorced, but to force a kid to meet/be friendly towards the person they cheated with? I don’t get it. NTA, OP. You don’t have to have a relationship with him now or ever. Your mom made her choice. This is yours.
Fuzzy-Ad559 said:
You’re not ready and forcing yourself into this will backfire because something may trigger a negative reaction from either you or them. I do however, suggest you find someone (not related to you) like a therapist or counselor so you can speak about your feelings in a judgement free environment and work to move forward.
NTA.
smolshypotato said:
NTA. If you’re uncomfortable with it, especially since you barely even know this Bob dude you have every right to say no.
One user Asked:
“And why is ur mom even ‘disappointed’ in u?”
I’m guessing mum has this image of one big happy family, and doesn’t like the fact that OP doesn’t want to help create it.
Op Replied:
Yeah, my mother has the idea that she’s gonna move my brother and I in with her boyfriend’s kids, which is never going to happen, since we’re happily living with my dad.
Fancy_Association484 said:
NAH – the only people that k ow about your mom and dad’s relationship is them. I’m sure they kept a lot from the kids. But your mom does deserve to find love. You need to communicate with your mother or the situation will get worse. Give her the opportunity to understand. You haven’t done that yet.
Op Replied:
My dad’s pretty open about what happened with us, and even he thinks it was unreasonable and that she’s out of her right mind.
Another Commenter asked:
INFO: Can I confirm that your parents had decided upon a divorce BEFORE your mum flew up to meet her boyfriend?
Op Replied:
They had told us they were planning on a divorce before the trip, BUT I only learned about the fact she was meeting her boyfriend much later.
In the comments, most people agreed OP was not the Asshole (NTA) and that his reaction was completely valid. Many pointed out that being pressured to meet a parent’s new partner and kids so soon after a divorce is unfair and overwhelming.
The general view was that OP had every right to set boundaries and go at his own pace, even if it disappointed his mother.
Sources: Reddit
