Table of contents
- The four attachment styles
- How attachment trauma influences dating patterns and preferences
- Studies on childhood trauma and romantic relationships later in life
Secure attachment
Securely attached adults are reliable and trusting. Their relationships are based on honesty, respect, and empathy. They do not seek validation and tend to have a favorable view of themselves and others. According to recent estimates, 50% of all people are securely attached.
Disorganized
People with this attachment style alternate between anxiety and avoidance. The dominant feeling depends on the situation and the person’s emotions. Ambiguous behavior mars these people’s relationships. They want a partner and a serious relationship but are afraid of them at the same time.
Dismissive-avoidant
Those with dismissive-avoidant attachment see themselves positively and others negatively. They seek autonomy and self-sufficiency. They do not want support or social approval. As they don’t feel comfortable getting too close to people, they are prone to breaking off relationships if they feel their partner is becoming over-reliant on them.
Anxious-preoccupied
The final insecure attachment style characterizes a person who wants to be with someone at almost any cost. This person is terrified of being abandoned and demands care and attention from their partner to ease their anxiety.
It’s estimated that 20% of people are anxious, 25% are avoidant, and 5% have a disorganized attachment style.
How attachment trauma influences dating patterns and preferences
Childhood attachment trauma can manifest in adulthood as difficulty forming and maintaining close relationships, feelings of abandonment, and a deep fear of intimacy or rejection. 5% of Americans experience seasonal depression, according to data from Mental Health America. A dating.com study found that 60% of people who felt lonely in the fall and winter resorted to dating apps as a quick fix. Users were 30% more active from November to February.
2023 saw an intense cuffing season, with 51% of Gen Z users looking for a relationship last winter. Just under 70% of Tinder users reported feeling optimistic about meeting someone new last fall.
The desire for warmth and companionship and the social pressure to have a partner during the holidays often drive this behavior.
For individuals with childhood attachment trauma, the preference to date during this season reflects an unconscious desire to fill emotional voids. The pressure to find a partner during this time might resonate with their fears of loneliness, leading them to seek out relationships as a way to soothe these anxieties.
While engaging in relationships during this season might provide temporary comfort, it can sometimes be a coping mechanism rather than a step toward healing. Those with attachment trauma might find themselves in relationships that are intense but short-lived, as the underlying attachment issues remain unresolved.
People with attachment trauma may unconsciously repeat patterns from their childhood, such as entering relationships that are intense but unstable or being drawn to partners who exhibit the same neglectful or inconsistent behaviors they experienced as children. During this season, the increased focus on finding a partner may heighten these patterns.
Studies on childhood trauma and romantic relationships later in life
Complex, repeated childhood trauma has profound effects on romantic relationships. Abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or other traumatic experiences during childhood cause individuals to develop insecure attachment styles. In many cases, childhood trauma leads to anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment.
A study assessed how individuals’ emotional or physical childhood traumas affected their attachment styles, self-esteem, tendency to cheat on their partners, and romantic jealousy. One hundred and fifty people took part in the study, including married people, individuals in a relationship, and singles. There was a significant positive correlation between infidelity and trauma scores but no connection between childhood trauma, self-esteem, and jealousy.
Recap
- Childhood attachment trauma manifests as difficulty in forming close relationships
- Engaging in relationships in fall and winter provides temporary comfort
- People with attachment trauma unconsciously repeat patterns from their childhood
- Infidelity correlates with trauma scores