“AITA for not inviting my mother’s boyfriend’s son to Christmas?”
Although there’s lots of feelings and history involved here, I’ll try to keep this as simple and neutral as possible.
I invited my mother and my three sisters (one older sister and two younger sisters who still live with my mother), my aunt, my cousin and my grandmother over for Christmas (and – if they have one – their partners).
This is the group which we have celebrated Christmas with for the past 10 years.
My mother has had a new boyfriend for 1.5 years (her 5th since she broke up with my father). Her boyfriend has a 20-year old son who still lives with him. My mother asked if her boyfriend’s son was also allowed to come.
Although I have met him numerous times, several other family members have never met him, or just once. I answered my mother that I want to keep it family only (and their +1s, but not +1+1s).
Since my mother’s boyfriend does not want to leave his son alone for Christmas (understandably), this would mean that he cannot come with her to my place.
According to my mother, my refusal to invite her boyfriend’s son runs counter to the spirit of Christmas. Therefore, she has decided that she will not come and host her own party with just herself, her boyfriend, her boyfriend’s son and my youngest two sisters.
My opinion is that in doing so, she is putting her boyfriend above her own children (me and my older sister) and splitting our family. She blames me for that, because she believes that no reasonable person would refuse to invite her boyfriend’s son.
AITA?
Internet Joined the Conversation and Gave a Response
NUT-me-SHELL said:
YTA. Unless this son has done something really shitty to warrant being left out, there’s no reason he should have to sit home alone on Christmas.
It isn’t like your mom is asking for you to invite her boyfriend’s hairdresser to Christmas – it’s his son.
Sounds to me like you’re angry your mom has dated since leaving your dad and you’re taking it out on someone who has no say in the matter.
crazyopinionslady said:
I agree especially after she mentioned he was the 5th bf since her dad… sounds like there’s alot of saltyness there
OP Replied:
Son has done nothing wrong, at all.
To be clear: my mother’s boyfriend’s son would not be alone for Christmas, since, obviously, his father would be with him.
This is the setting in which they would have celebrated Christmas if my mother and her boyfriend did not have a relationship, so I wouldn’t consider this a story of poor people being left alone for Christmas.
mizfit0416 said:
YTA – what’s one extra person? No room at the inn?????
PreviousMood3563 said:
YTA. Your mother considers them part of the family. I see why your mom is doing her own dinner. Be more considerate if other peoples feelings.
mojo4394 said:
YTA. Blended families are a thing, and families that aren’t “blood related” are still families. Asking your mom not to have her partner’s son attend is exclusionary and rude.
Unable_Researcher_26 asked:
“my mother’s boyfriend does not want to leave his son alone for Christmas”
I’m guessing this means his mother or other family are not options for him. YTA if you decide to leave him alone at Christmas.
Op replied:
It would mean my mother would spend Christmas with her family but without her boyfriend, since her boyfriend would be with his son.
Breadcrumb-Forest said:
YTA why would you think otherwise? You’re allowing your mother’s bf to come over, but not his only immediate family member?
What an AH. I applaud your mother for her decision; if the boyfriend is allowed, so should the child. It would be different it this event was say a wedding, but Christmas??
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with meeting someone in the family for the first time on Christmas. There’s enough excitement surrounding the event that any awkwardness usually dies down pretty quickly.
OP Replied:
I’d rather not invite the boyfriend, honestly, but +1s are pretty much a rule…
edgor123 Said:
YTA. This seems like a really silly hill for you to die on, and to be clear, you’re the one on the hill, not your mom.
Are you mad that your mom is dating after splitting with dad? I found it weird that you specifically mentioned this being her 5th boyfriend since she broke up with your father. And it’s not as if he’s all that new. He’s been around for over a year.
I don’t know what’s driving your opposition, but “I want to keep it family only” isn’t convincing.
asleep_awake Said:
Sorry, YTA — your mom is an adult woman who has been with this guy for 1.5 years…that sounds serious enough to consider his son part of the family.
Unless the son did something wrong to you in the past, why in the world would you exclude him from the gathering? If anything, his dad not wanting him to be alone at Christmas is a good sign that he’s worth your mother’s time.
rapt2right said:
YTA. If you have no particular objections to him besides not knowing him well, you are just being petty.
In the comments, most people agreed OP was the Asshole in this situation. Excluding the boyfriend’s son felt petty and contrary to the spirit of Christmas. Since the relationship had lasted over a year, many argued it was fair to consider the son part of the family gathering. The consensus was that OP’s choice seemed more about holding onto resentment than about setting a reasonable boundary.
From our perspective, we can see why OP wanted to keep things “family only,” especially given the long history with holiday traditions. But Christmas is often about inclusion, and making room for one more chair at the table can sometimes prevent deeper rifts. In this case, a little flexibility might have kept the family united instead of divided.
Sources: Reddit
